Yellow Ribbon

By Marjorie Montenegro


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Yellow Ribbon


What the . . . damn . . . where am I . . . shit my head, dammit what the hell's going on?  This is sooooo not a hangover . . . not dreamin . . . then what the hell am I doing here!  Okay, c'mon now just hold it together and THINK!  I can't, DAMN it hurts! Wait . . . where . .  .JULES!  JULIAAAAA!  Shit yeah okay Maria she's hiding, sure she is, right behind what the friggin cactus, wake up asshole . . . that bitch ditched me that damn, stupid, bitch!  Okay now what the hell happened, what, c'mon think, think . . no I can't think oh my head dammit what's wrong with me?  I know this wasn't my idea, God sand, I so friggin hate sand, shit it's in everything.  Jimmy! Oh shit Jimmy!  I gotta get outta here, finally time to say bye asshole you you muther f . . . shit I gotta get outta here by 2, okay what the hell time is it damn this is not good what'm I gonna do, yeah stay calm stay calm breeeeaaaathe . .  hhhhhhhmmmmm okay first day of the rest of my life right?  Right!  Yeah first day of forever so that gives me plenty of time to kill you you back stabbing bitch how could you just leave me.  DAMMIT WHERE ARE YOU!  Oh God, my head, I'd kill for an aspirin . . . nooooooo . . for th ewater, sit where the hell am I gonna get water.   All night drinking just to die of thirst oh God what as that again yeah people can live like weeks without food but how the hell long without water.  Two days.  Two days?  Shit how the hell long have I been sleeping maybe two days . . . Oh God what the hell haapennnnnned.  Okay dressed that's good, yeah okay not raped just dirty, friggin dirty dammit how the hell . . . shit this isn't mud it's . .  .where the hell is it coming from, oh noooo not my face!  What happened to my face! Oh thank God it feels okay, it don't hurt, okay, I'm fine, but dammit my head.  What the hell could I'a hit it on, shit! sand, noooo wake the hell up, well ok it's dry so I ain't gonna bleed to death nooooo 'cause I'm gonna friggin die of thirst.  Nah ain't gonna die like that nope not me . . . nope cause lil miss hates the beach is gonna burn to death . . . dammit friggin Nevada, yeah nice damn place, yeah great friggin place full of nuttin but hot.  Well standing here ain't gonna do a damn thing okay, a car, yeah air condition, civilization, I can see that instead of this God forsaken hellhole . . . not a bad place to bury a body, isolated, yeah I bet Jimmy and his friends know all about this place.  Okay where's Marlboro butts? size 11 shoe prints? that asshole and his big ass feet.  Some night out, damn, I hope I didn't make an ass outta myself, nah not me what the hell am I talking about, stumblin round the desert and don't remember shit, of course I made an ass outta myelf.  Great idea Jules, what'd you say "let's go out and celebrate, viva la independence" yeah that's the ticket.  Well I'm pretty damn independent now ain't I?  Let me see, hmmmm, the sun rises in the east and sets in the west, or not it rises in the west and sets in the east, no . . . what the hell was I thinkin bout, you neva friggin listed do you you damn moron no never friggin learn, well your gonna learn now for all the good it'll do.  Gotta stop talkin to myself . . . it's the heat . . . okay well if I keep walking Ill get a ride back to town.  Yeah shouldn't be too hard just cause I'm in the middle of the desert and covered in blood, why should that stop me from getting home.  Nah, I'll just follow the yellow sand road and see where it takes me, maybe Ill end up in Munchkin Land.  Yeah that's it, just click your heals and say there's no place like home, there's no place like home.  Hey, home home on the range where the deer and the antelope play.  C'MON EVERYBODY SING! That's it, that proves it, I'm cracking up.  Listen, shhhhhh even the birds are laughing dammit! those aren't birds . . . vultures.  They know something don't they? don't they? They always know something SHUT UP!  SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STOP FOLLOWING ME DAMMIT! DAMMIT!  You high pitched squealing pieces of shit, I'm not dead yet, you ain't gonna get me cause I'm not dead yet dammit.  It takes more than a day at the beach to kill me cause hey I'm a survivor, I survived you didn't I you egomaniacal, schizophrenic, ssss . . . sssss.. . sociopath, that's it, yeah you couldn't friggin break me could'ya so a little walk across the sand ain't gonna do it neither, yeah that's right you're strong YOU ARE STRONG!  GET OUTTA HERE DAMMIT!  We'll see who gets the last laugh won't we, oh yeah it's a black day for vultures in the world.  Oh God I'm losin it cause this sure as hell aint funny no just tired, my feet hurt, my head oh why, I just wanna go home . . . even to that home . . . no, no what the hell am I saying no damn way!  Im must tired okay and if I rest then I can think, yeah I just gotta think . . . If I just sit down for a couple of minutes yeah hey maybe Ill just jog home . . . Las Vegas, here I come yeah here I come . . .

            Damn, damn damn damn damn damn what the hell is wrong with me I can't believe damn, okay, well, all right, at least I'm not tired but I gotta get back.  Shit how long have I been out, the suns over there now, not that I know where there is dammit Mom you were wrong, you need more than looks in life you need survival training.  You didn't tell me that now did you.  I coulda used it for all those wonderful years of bliss huh Mother.  "Marry him honey, he'll take good care of you hone."  Oh he took good care of me didn't he, yeah me and everyone else.  Do you see your little girl now, huh, are you looking down here . . . no . . . what am I thinking . . . are you looking up at me  you selfish bitch.  Small price to pay huh one daughter for a condo and some pieces of gold, but you ain't using them now are you Mother!  Watch I'm gonna get the hell outta here and wanna know what I'm gonna take that pig for every friggin dime . . . yeat it's gonna be hard but like you said, "Adversity makes us strong.  You can't come running home when the going gets tough, you gotta stick it out."  Guess that's why you just ignored the bruises good reason to call Jimmy to come and get me but hey he ain't gonna be getting me now is he no HE won't be getting me but damn if I don't get my shit together I won't be getting him either will I?  All right it's gonna be a long walk but those classes might finally pay off right Jules, how the hell did you talk me into those, Oooooohh yeah, "start on Wednesday and when I get good I cold go with you on Fridays."  Wasn't that what you said?  I was so pissed when I finally made it to the Friday class and youre ass was not even there.  Yeah, that asshole thought it was hilarious . . . the two of you laughing, "Oh Maria, I never thought you'd stick it out."  Right, good reason for dropping out of Fridays, but hey they got me outta that friggin prison.  I was so damn happy he finally let me outta the house . . . yeah for that damn class but just being away . . . of course cause he worked late . . . yeah as long as it didn't inconvenience Jimmy boy than all's good . . . yeah it's gonna pay off now ain't it cause I don't even feel winded, nooooo not me.  You really pushed it didnt you, and me like some kinda stupid bitch thinking Jimmy would appreciate me more if I looked more fit or maybe just more like you . . . God do you know how much I hated you, you and the little private jokes.  I know I'm no genius but the two of  you had a way of making me feel like an ass . . . yeah soo condescending and just so you know if it wasn't for him being he bastard that he was you would've been gone, but still you were there for me the last couple of months weren't you?  After all who else could I have turned to with my little secret and you were great never passing judgment, not even trying to talk me out of it . . . you surprised me didn't you.  You were great, just great, except last night.  Where the hell did you go . . . you said you were going to the bathroom yeah I remember and I started getting dizzy . . . stupid stupid I shoulda' known not to but yeah, it was hot, I had to get air, it was so hot in there . . . hot . . . it's so hot.  Damn I'm so thirst, shit, I can't be sweating like this dammit shit Im gonna die . . . DO YOU HEAR ME IM GONNA DIE YOU FUCKING LAUGHIN BIRDS, YOUR GONNA EAT TONIGHT!  No no that's stupid I'm just trying to hard to find a ride hey, I know, when you stop looking for something it usually pops up so let me stop trying so hard, yeah Ill just sit here for a little while.  Of course, of cooouuurse it's gonna work out cause I'm a survivor.  Ill just rest my eyes for a second or two and catch my breath.

            Oh my God, Oh God, Oh God, Oh God.  I cant see its so damn dark what the hell . . . shit, its so cold.  Okay Im dreaming, yet thats it, I was dreaming cause the desert is hot and Im not like that damn Twilight Zone where the girl paints I remember dammit but than she was gonna freeze to death what kinda joke is this . . . Who the fuck is doing this to me!  What the hell am I gonna do . . . oh yeah jog Im gonna jog to Nevada . . . yeah maybe itll be easier to walk now.  Shit shit oh no oh God nooooo I cant get up, I cant I cant.  Im numb oh God am I dead no no okay I can still move so Im not but nobody is gonna see me here in the dark.  What the fuck am I so tired, I slept all damn day I gotta wake up why the hell is this happening now what was it, I don't go to sleep when you bump your head, but I don't dammit you idiot, you stupid fucking moron how could you be so stupid!  That's the rule, don't go to sleep when you bump your head.  But I'm so tired and I slept already, I'm still alive cause I can feel . . . I can feel . . . that's my heart it's still beating and all I gotta do is keep myself up, I really gotta keep myself up.  C'mon think, okay what the hell happened?  What the hell happened?  What, I was at the bar, dizzy, yeah that's right.  I went outside, Jules, you were there.  I remember, Oh God I remember, "What the hell are you doing?  where are you going, wait for me."  No, but you weren't alone though somebody was in the care, getting out, standing there in the headlights, but I know.  After 10 years I know, I see you and I know who you are.  "What the hell are you doing here?  You monster.  Jules, DO SOMETHING!  No, put it down, PLEASE, JULES, DO SOMETHING."  Wednesday classes are for beginners huh Jules that's why you, but nooooo I was right, I was the outsider all along.  I gotta stay up, I gotta go home.  Fuckin bitch WHY WHY WHYYYYYYY no cause it don matta any more, just you wait, wait 'til I get there.  I'm gonna crucify you, both of you.  You didn't kill me, I feel my heart, its strong, like me strong and I'm comin home.  I can stay up and wait I can do it til morning and then you'll die, oh you'll die all right, Yeah okay, C'mon Mom let's sing together, please, you came a long way just to sit by me.  Okay Mommy so we'll sing and keep awake until morning okay.  I missed you . . . I'm sorry bout all the things I said but you came . . . you didn't leave me all alone this time you came.  Okay we'll sing until a car comes and then we'll get both of them.  No all three of them.  That's right up there I mean you, SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU STUPID BIRD! SHUT UP! Shut up! shut up.  Kay how'd that song go, oh yeahhh, I'm comin home I served my time and I got to know what is and isn't right.  ifffffff you receive my letta tellin you I'll soon be free you would know jus what to do if you still love me, if you still love me so tie a yellow ribbon round the oooo

Written by Marjorie Montenegro